Shenanigans
by iCactus
Summary: Shenanigans and short comedic skits
1. Ainz and Downfall

**Ainz and the Downfall of Castle and Country**

 **-XXX-**

"Pandora's Actor, did you finish analysing the World Item?" asked Ainz.

"Oh~hoho," laughed Pandora, as he began striking dramatic poses. "Downfall of Castle and Country, is it? Why is it truly difficult to grasp it?"

Pandora presented the dress.

Downfall of Castle and Country had the appearance of a cheongsam, which was a body-hugging one-piece Chinese dress. It had a silvery white colour, embedded with the image of a golden eastern dragon soaring.

"Pandora!" flared Albedo. "Ainz-sama is demanding an answer! Not another question in response!"

"Albedo, be quiet for a moment. Pandora, tell me what you have found out so far."

Albedo sulked.

Ainz appeared unfazed but his emotions were being supressed with each of Pandora's ridiculous poses.

"It is embarrassing Ainz-sama… but I find it hard to dissect the abilities with no one equipping it."

Albedo's ears perked.

"I see, I see~," nodded Albedo as she approached and gripped Pandora by his shoulders. "So it has to be like that~ There's no other way is there~?"

Ainz could not see Albedo's face but he was sure something was abnormal from Pandora's diminished responses.

"Indeed," agreed Pandora. "There's no other way."

"And, the dress alters to the body size~?"

"It does."

"And, this is for the sake of experiment~ No one else will know, right~?"

"…"

"Right~?" repeated Albedo while tightening her clutch.

"Right."

"Then it's fine~"

Albedo snatched the dress from Pandora and shoved it into Ainz's skeletal hands.

 _Eh?_ Ainz's empty skull has not caught on.

"Ainz-sama~ Here's the item~ Please equip it~"

"Huh…? But, it's a female dress."

"But~ it's for experiment~! Besides, Pandora's Actor has agreed to it. I've already sent him off for other duties~"

Pandora was nowhere to be seen.

 _How can you just ditch your creator!?_ thought Ainz.

"Can't you do it?" is what Ainz wanted to say, but considering Albedo, she would forcibly make Ainz fall in love with her and he would never know it.

"Ainz-sama~ Just use the item on me and dispel the effects afterwards~"

Ainz did not feel comfortable going with Albedo's plan on multiple levels. It was his sixth sense when dealing with Albedo.

However – Ainz could not find a logical sounding reason to refute the plan, so he tried to kick the can down the road until a better time.

"I-I've got an important meeting as Momon coming up. I need…"

"I've already sent Pandora's Actor to cover for you~"

"Elf nation and meeting…"

"Aura and Mare are on their way~"

"Lizar…"

"Cocytus is on it~"

 _Damit! Well, I'll just erase a little part of her memories later then…_

Ainz sighed and gave in.

…

…

"Kya~," squealed Albedo.

Albedo hugged the stack of photos tightly to her heart and rolled around in her bed.

"Please don't blame me, Momonga-sama. I know it's in the best interest to keep it a secret but this is a must have for my collection~!"

After operating Nazaricks internal security cameras for so long, Albedo was bound to have her tricks.

"Maybe… I should produce some dolls modelled after this too…"

 _No, no, no,_ thought Albedo. _It would be bad if someone found it. Then again…_

 **-XXX-**

* * *

 **iCactus: Ahh... I really want to see a skeleton in a Chinese dress. I can't find one on google :(**

 **Series inspired by Overlord Discord**


	2. This christmas

Narrator: ***This Christmas…***

 **...**

 **…**

 **…**

* * *

A homunculus maid named Rem was standing beside Ainz in the bedroom as the attendant for the day.

The maid had well-kempt light-blue hair covering her right eye, giving the impression of a small Cyclops.

Her black and white frilly uniform, which were also designed with the intention of facilitating easy movements, revealed her slender limbs and petite body.

Ainz recalled Whitebrim saying that the homunculus was created in the image of one of the greatest maid in history. However, Ainz did not recall further details as Whitebrim blabbered on a tangent he was uninterested in.

The skeletal jaw opened slightly.

"Touch me."

The maid instantly answered, "One of the greatest Supreme Beings."

"No," said Ainz as he shook his head. "I mean… Touch me with your hands."

"Yes."

The blue-haired maid approached the lich and placed her delicate hands on the sleeves of the jet-black academic gown.

 _No,_ thought Ainz. _This isn't the feeling._

* * *

 **...**

 **…**

 **…**

 ***… Prepare for a dramatic…***

 **...**

 **…**

 **…**

* * *

"Touch me directly."

"Then excuse me..."

The beautiful fingers skated from the black sleeves of the gown to the purple decoration band to the hand made of bones.

The beady red eyes in the skull's sockets observed the maid's careful and elegant actions.

 _No. This is not the feeling either._

* * *

 **...**

 **…**

 **…**

 ***… Cute…***

 **...**

 **…**

 **…**

* * *

The lich lowered his shoulders to face the maid directly.

"Can you please get this bit of dust off my face."

The maid walked over to the luxurious sofa place in his room to take a seat. She then gestured at her laps.

"Yes, Ainz-sama. Please lay over here while I do so."

Ainz was slightly reluctant but took the offer.

The maid's blue hair seemed to dance with each sway. It's colour seemed to be that of the sky.

 _Beautiful… but it's the same. Why do I not feel the warmth of life anymore…?_

* * *

 **...**

 **…**

 **…**

 ***… Soul-searching…***

 **...**

 **…**

 **…**

* * *

"Rem, what do you see in me?"

"I see a powerful lich sorcerer. The undisputed ruler of Nazarick."

Ainz nodded but the reply was not what he was looking for.

"Apart from that… what am I to you?"

"I'm sorry," apologised Rem. "I do not comprehend your question."

"If I was not a lich, a sorcerer, or a ruler… If I was just a normal and powerless human…"

* * *

 **...**

 **…**

 **…**

 ***… Heart-warming…***

 **...**

 **…**

 **…**

* * *

"Ainz-sama," softly cut in the maid. "I cannot see you as anything but the almighty and all-powerful…"

Ainz was about to slump his shoulders in disappointment as Rem resumed talking.

"… but if… if Ainz-sama was a human, I would still serve with unwavering loyalty. If Nazarick turns, I would defend you. If we cannot fight, then let us run away together."

Rem put a finger on her chin to ponder.

"Hmmm… Human life is short too. It would be very nice to have two offspring to raise... One boy and one girl. When you pass on, I will stay by your grave until the end of time. If reincarnation exists, I would travel the world… to find you… again and again… to be beside you."

Ainz wondered if Whitebrim programmed these lines but the thought was dismissed.

"Why? Why do you care so much?"

"Because you are the last remaining Supreme Being. You are the last one remaining with us."

Ainz tightened his clutch ever so slightly and shifted his sights away.

"I sense my answer does not satisfy you."

"…"

The silence from Ainz confirmed the Rem's suspicions.

Rem smiled softly.

"I…," Rem briefly paused. "It is because of you that we exist. It is because of you that the other Supreme Beings came to terms with their differences. It is because of you we were able to be created with care. It is because of you that I am able to live and feel love…"

"Love…?"

Ainz repeated the particular word as it was a feeling that interested him.

"I loved how you safely sheltered us while you bravely endeavoured into the unknown for our sake. I loved how you treated each and every one of us with care. I loved how you stayed with us, despite your own loneliness and sadness. Thus… it is my turn to return the kindness."

* * *

 **...**

 **…**

 **…**

 ***… Plot-twisting…***

 **...**

 **…**

 **…**

* * *

 _Tap, tap, tap~_

Rem dashed towards Albedo with her common maid skill; her running footstep reverberated on the hallway's clear soul-marble floor.

"Albedo-sama! Albedo-sama! This is an emergency! Ainz-sama has disappeared!"

Albedo turned around calmly.

"Isn't being able to vanish a small feat for someone as great as Ainz-sama? Why are you so flustered?"

"No! That' not all! It concerns activating one of Pandora's Actor-sama's strange items by accident! I suspect… I suspect…! Ainz-sama may have become a human in the outside world."

Albedo's eye twitched.

"If that is true, Ainz-sama will have nothing, zero, in the outside world. It's the perfect time to show up in a timely manner and snag him for my... I mean save him."

* * *

 **...**

 **…**

 **…**

 ***… Mashup and Rewrite.***

 **...**

 **…**

 **…**

* * *

"Albedo, Rem… why are you two here?" the human, who looked the protagonist of an eroge, asked nonchalantly.

"Ainz-sama, we are here to bring you back!

Albedo was in desperation.

"It is as Albedo-sama says," followed Rem. "Please come back, Ainz-sama."

Ainz is using the name Subaru while in the human form.

"No," the human replied sternly. "I wish to experience this a bit more. I wish to understand and experience love as a human. It is a feeling I do not understand too well… and I want to learn about it… for the good of everyone around me."

* * *

 **...**

 **…**

 **…**

 ***… Re:Zero love from Ainz.***

 **...**

 **…**

 **…**

* * *

Demiurge approached Rem.

"Are you sure, Rem? Are you just going to let Albedo seduce him while he's human and let her be number one?"

A small voice came out of Rem. Tears started to dripple.

"Yes. I'm happy being his shadow and watching my hero. If it pleases him then, then…"

Demiurge gave a sigh.

 _Even is a level one homunculus, she is still a creation of the Supreme Beings,_ thought Demiurge. _She deserves a chance, too._

"Dash to him now, Rem. I'll explain to Albedo later."

* * *

 **...**

 **…**

 **…**

 ***… Title also known as [Re: Overlord], [Re: Zerolord], [Re: Overzero], [Pizzalord], [Pizza Re:Heat], [Gerolord], [Ov Re: Lord]… etc.**

Because the discord chat the author was in couldn't settle with anything good.

 **...**

 **…**

 **…**

* * *

"I'm sorry Albedo, Rem… but the one I'm involved with project Empir…"

The strange woman in a mask beside nudged Ainz lightly to stop him.

"Empir?" repeated Albedo and Rem in unison.

"I, I mean…," flustered Ainz a bit before choking out, "… Emilia! EMT! In love with Emilia!"

* * *

 **…**

 **…**

 **…**

 ***Coming out Christmas… because the author is procrastinating on the main project.***

Inb4 people realise love triangles belong in the softcore NTR genre

* * *

 ***This rewrite** ain't happenin' guys.


	3. Shalltear's chaste

**But is Shalltear really one?**

 **-XXX-**

Shalltear was once again acting awkwardly after her lesson with Ainz in the Dwarfen Kingdom. Therefore, Ainz finally decided to directly confront the problem in the privacy of his own office.

"Shalltear, what's the matter?"

"No-nothing at all, Ainz-sama. It is nothing deserving of your attention."

 _I wonder if she's too ashamed to ask about something she didn't understand_ , though Ainz.

Peroroncino was also like this back in the early days of Yggdrasil. It took a while for Peroroncino to warmup to Momonga.

Ainz approached Shalltear and moved himself to Shalltear's height.

Both skeletal hands rested on the frail appearing shoulders of the petite vampire.

The ice cold skin on Shalltear's face flushed slightly red but Ainz did not let it bother him.

"I don't think so. Peroroncino-san often brought up crucial points in his worries."

Shalltear responded with "Pero-roncino-sama… did?" while tilting her head cutely with a finger on her chin.

"Umu. I believe you may have inherited that side of him."

Shalltear fanned her hands to cover her mouth in disbelief.

"No way… Me… like my creator?"

Ainz nodded. Although he did not know if it was a good thing, he decided to give Shalltear one more little push.

"That's why I want to discuss your worries with you."

"Is it…?"

"It's not an order…"

Ainz unintentionally cut Shalltear off immediately with an answer because that's all the Guardians have been asking him for lately.

The Guardians seemed like they were on some sort of competitive streak and it was honestly getting annoying.

"… I'm asking for the concern of your wellbeing."

Tears welled within Shalltear's eyes.

"I-I understand now."

Ainz used the corner of his sleeves to dab away at the tears. When he was done, Shalltear spoke up.

"I…," began Shalltear with a brief pause before bursting out, "I'm frustrated from abstaining! Keeping my second body from being defiled by the temptations of lust is hard!"

The skeletal jaws dropped in shock. He could feel his emotions being suppressed many fold over.

"What?"

"I'm frustrated fro…"

"No. I heard you. I don't understand what you mean."

"Well. It started when I returned to my room after Demiurge's lecture after my revival. I was pondering on a few questions before one of my vampire brides offered me my usual…"

…

…

…

"Since my body is newly constructed… And the Supreme Beings have once mentioned the loss of experience on death…"

Ainz held up his hand, but Shalltear did not notice the gesture to stop taking, as she was too deeply engaged in her train of thought.

He was not sure what was hard to process: Shalltear partaking in such activities, or having the biological capacity to partake in such activities.

"… I thought I should save my body for Ainz-sama as I am once again a virg…"

"Stop," Ainz finally interjected. He has heard more than enough, like a father hearing a daughter describe a little too much about her dating life.

"Understood."

Ainz gave a heavy sigh after Shalltear's immediate answer.

 _I feel like I'm going to need to die and lose experience to forget we ever had this conversation,_ thought Ainz. That is assuming he would lose a reasonable amount of memory from dying and being revived like Shalltear.

After coming this far, he might as well properly see to the end of it.

Ainz tried to summarise with modesty.

"So basically, you are unable to… _prepare_ … yourself for the burden."

"Far from it, Ainz-sama. I've decided to take my preparation more seriously than ever for your guidance at the Dwarfen Kingdom. After many considerations, I've been using the tail end of things to prepare myself for you… even right now."

"Right now…?"

"For example… to calibrate my bottom for the suitability of Ainz-sama's majestic figure with a tail end… I'm using an ana…"

…

…

…

"En-chan… Ainz-sama has died-su~."

"Impossible…"

Enri gasped at Lupusregina's statement.

 **-XXX-**

* * *

Main project at 4k out of 10k words


	4. Teaser: Overloli

**Teaser: Over-Loli**

Inspired by Fate/Loli

Momonga replaced by loli. A few others, will also be replaced by Lolis or shotas o.O

SO uhh... Momonga is replaced by Evileye and she is a player instead of a NW character - If you guys have seen Fate/Loli you would understand my intentions

 **-XXX-**

Enri, the girl gingerly opened the eyes which had been squeezed shut.

The first thing she saw was the suddenly motionless longsword. Her eyes ran across the sight cutting blade to see the owner of the sword, who appeared to be a white knight in shining armour.

However – this knight was about to test his metal.

Enri expected the vicious guillotine to come for her head.

Out of expectation, the knight in front of her was frozen in place, his eyes looking somewhere off to the girl's side. His completely defenceless posture clearly displayed the fear and confusion filling him.

As though drawn by the knight's gaze, Enri could not help but turn and look in the same direction as him.

What she saw was darkness.

It was an infinitesimally thin, yet unfathomably deep blackness. It was a half-oval of obsidian that seemed to protrude from the earth. It was a mysterious sight that filled the ones watching it with a powerful sense of unease.

Something seemed to be coming out of that shadowy passage.

It was a petite little girl; she appeared only slightly older than Nemu, Enri's little 10-year-old sister.

Her eyes emitted a crimson gleam in the sunlight weaving through the tree leaves. The beautiful gems contrasted her long waist length golden hair. Her skin was so fair that it was almost translucent. Being showered by the golden veil of light, she was a spectacle to behold.

She wore intricately detailed black Lolita clothing, born from the corruption and darkness of another world. Her cloak seemed to be stitched together from the flames of purgatory.

The little girl was a doll of sculpted beauty, untainted and unfazed by the evils in the world.

Although the figure did not appear threatening, it was obvious she was not of this world. The crimson-eyed little girl did not seem to be from the land of the living, yet…

 _Yet… yet…_

Enri forgot to breathe as if the sight had seduced her soul away. She tightly cradled the trembling Nemu ever so very dearly.

The air seemed to freeze.

Then, in this silent realm, Enri began choking and gasped for air. Having her lung pierced, she was drowning in her own pleural fluids.

"Nee-chan~ Hang on. I'll… uuu… save you~!"

The unworldly sweet words crept into Enri's ears.

The two knights could not muster any strength.

The delicate and small hand slowly raised and extended. The fragile looking fingers spread as though reaching for something at the knight behind her.

Enri wanted to look away from it, but confusion and fear kept her gaze in place. She had the feeling that if she averted her eyes, she would see a far more horrible sight instead.

"[Grasp Heart~]."

The beauty squeezed an invisible object, and a sound of crunching metal was heard.

"Gaaah..."

From whose mouth had that sound come? It felt like it could have come from Enri, or that of Nemu, shivering in fright, or from the mouth of the knight that had been about to kill her.

Enri's eyes did not want to leave Death's sweet daughter, but driven by her curiosity, the girl wrenched her eyes away, and saw the body of the knight. He was sprawled motionless on the floor, like a puppet whose strings had been cut.

He was dead.

There was no doubt that he was dead.

The danger that had almost claimed Enri was no more. But, this was no cause for celebration. The offspring of death that stalked her had merely taken a more concrete shape.

The mysterious petite figure drew closer ever so slowly. She licked her blood red lips, revealing the sharp pearly canines in her mouth.

 _Wha- what is she going to demand of me?_

Enri clutched her sister tightly to herself. Her mind was being starved for oxygen.

If the being was a human, Enri might be able to cling to some faint hope and struggle desperately for her life. But…

 _Please… please… spare…_

"Spare my sister…"

That was all Enri could hope for. Her shuddering sister hugged her tightly. All she could do was apologise for her weakness, for being unable to protect her sister's life. She prayed that her sister would not be lonely as they went on to the afterlife because they would be travelling there together.

"Blood...~"

 _Blood, does this creature desire blood?_

And then—

 **-XXX-**

In the year 2138 AD there was a term: DMMO-RPG.

That word was an acronym for "Dive Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game". On a side note, it was often Meme'd as Definitely Many Men Online Role Playing Girls.

On a serious note, these games were played by connecting a dedicated console to the brain via a neuronal nano-interface— an intracerebral nanocomputer network, created from the fusion of cyber- and nano-technology.

These were games that allowed one to enter a virtual world and experience it as though it were real life.

And among the myriad DMMO-RPGs that thronged the market, one of them stood head and shoulders above the others:

YGGDRASIL.

…

…

…

…

…

…

A gigantic table carved of gleaming black stone sat in the centre of the room, surrounded by 13 luxurious chairs.

However, most of those seats were empty.

Once, every single place had been filled, but now only two were occupied.

One of the seated people was wearing a short Lolita black dress with red decorative frills and white lining. It complemented the large bow around her collar and the flaming red cloak.

The wear sang in unison to the face. There was a pair of crimson eyes and snow-white skin, unblemished by the childish features.

The being in the other seat was not human either, merely a mass of a black, sticky substance. Its tar-like surface roiled and writhed continuously, never staying in the same shape for more than a second.

The former was a Princess Vampire— the highest-ranked magic casters of the race. Those who had reached this rank were able to learn the most potent spells. The latter was an Elder Black Ooze, which boasted the most powerful corrosive ability of the slime families.

…

…

…

…

…

…

The Lolita vampire — who was speaking at the moment — did not move her mouth. That was because even the most advanced DMMO-RPGs of the time still could not overcome the technological hurdle of properly modelling the changes on a character's face in response to emotions and speech.

"Muuuu~ Hellohello-kun, you never play with me anymore~"

"It can't be helped, Evileye-chan. I've got cram school, followed by piano lessons these days. The high school I'm trying to get in is difficult. My mom is so strict with…"

The two of them were children playing the game leisurely. The latter child's words lacked force, or perhaps, it could be said that they lacked energy.

"Hmph~ I bet you're just having fun with others~"

Evileye used an electronic pouting emotion and turned her head away.

"Uhh. Don't be mad Evileye-chan. Please? Okay?"

The attempt was feeble. Last time this happened, Keeno ignored Hellohello for a whole month before he finally gave in to her demand.

"F-fine… I'll get the nice onii-san next door to drive me home a bit earlier tomorrow"

"Uwah~ really? Yay!"

Keeno brightened up.

"Haaa…," sighed Hellohello in response.

Hellohello delivered a grim monologue, his words laced with an unimaginable reality.

"Evileye-chan, thanks for keeping his place alive. It's the only retreat I have these days."

 _Old Gowns are nice I suppose,_ thought Hellohello as he looked at the Avatar beside him.

Nice Old Gown, the name of the guild, was one Evileye came up with after all.

"Eh~? Everything for a friend, right?"

"Friend…"

"Un~"

Despite Evileye's enthusiastic conviction, Hellohello pondered sadly on the word. It has been too long since he had the chance to socialise.

 _I suppose…,_ thought Hellohello. _I suppose I will participate in the celebration tomorrow._

"It's about time for me to log off."

Hellohello's tentacle waggled in mid-air.

"See you tomorrow… huh?"

"Bai bai~"

Hellohello's avatar disappeared into thin air.

 _See you tomorrow._

 _See you again._

Evileye had heard these words several times these two weeks, but they had never come true.

Hellohello, along with all the others, had been avoiding her this past week on YGGDRASIL.

Tears trickled down the little girl's cheeks,in reality, the face of Keeno Fasris Inubern. Her avatar was reflected by the sleek and polished obsidan table. The words she could no longer hold back exploded forth:

"—Was it something I did?!"

...

...

...

...

...

...

The Throne Room room was impressively large and luxurious.

On the throne, Keeno curled into a small ball and gazed at the NPCs she gathered.

"Please… someone… tell me what I did wrong...?"

 _I wish... I wish..._

Her line of sight met the floors.

 _"_ That someone here would..."

[End of teaser]

 **-XXX-**

* * *

Is it more Cancerous to make Ainz a loli or replace Ainz with a loli? I need some opinions.

I think I might actually do a spin off series like this o.O"

Today was meant to update the Twitter Side Story series but onedrive share has crashed for me. IDK. Maybe wait till tomorrow.


	5. Guild's number one rule

Wait for the punchline

* * *

 **If guild's rule number two didn't apply**

 **-XXX-**

He closed his eyes while the internal clocked continued ticking.

23:59:35,

36,

37…

He slowly counted the seconds.

23:59:48,

49,

50...

Shutting his eyes, the numbers continued.

23:59:58,

59—

With the clock counting the remaining seconds, he waited for the end of this fantasy world—

And the eventual forced logout—

0:00:00…

1,

2,

3…

"...Huh?"

He was not back in his familiar room. He was still sitting in the Throne Room within Yggdrasil.

"What's going on?"

The time was correct. Right now he should be forcefully logged out from the server shutdown.

0:00:38

It was already past the announced time and unless there was a system error, it was impossible to get it wrong.

Looking around with confusion, he searched for an explanation.

"Did they delay the shutdown? Or did they decide to postpone the end the end because they were unable to shut the server down?"

There was no control interface.

"What the...?"

Forced System Access, Chat, Call GM, Log Out and so on───

Nothing was working, as if he was completely removed from the system.

"...What the hell is happening here?!"

His angry shout echoed in the Throne Chamber and then faded away.

For such a thing to happen on the last day, when everything was supposed to end... Were the developers actually tricking everyone?

The voice of fury echoed. He felt frustrated from being unable to meet a glorious end.

Usually, there should have been no response to his furious exclamation.

However...

A sweet voice chimed from Albedo, the supposed angel in white.

"Is everything all right, ex ex underscore pussy slayer sixty-nine underscore ex ex - sama?"

It was the first time xX_PussySlayer69_Xx has ever heard this sweet female voice. In fact, it was the first time someone called him by his username.

…

…

…

"Gah"

Momonga jumped out of his frightful nightmare, startling the maid that accompanied him.

Normally, as an undead, Momonga would have been unable to sleep or be affected by such status. However, he longed for the feeling of sleeping and dreaming again.

Thus, he decided to test out a cash item that removed this restriction and subjected himself to a stash of nightshade herb in his inventory.

Nightshade gave nightmares, which was just a negative form of a dream.

-Or so Momonga thought.

 **-XXX-**


	6. Perorocino's Rampage

**Perorocino's rampage**

 **-XXX-**

Log in…

[Tomb of Nazarick – Conference Room]

"Momonga-san, you are on early today," greeted Touch Me.

"Touch Me, you are on early, too" Momonga returned the greeting. "Office ended early today due to worker's day celebrations. I wonder who will come on today…"

"Yea…," Touch Me pondered a bit before asking, "…By the way, I don't seem to have seen Perorocino these days. Did he quit like a few others?"

"About that," hesitantly replied Momonga. "You know the time when we found [Item Break] had a glitch?"

"Yea…," nodded Touch Me. "It wasn't that long ago. Got patch really fast."

Momonga added, "It was more like, _he_ , found the glitch…"

"And…?" wondered Touch Me. "He was banned for abusing it? But, I don't understand… none of us knew it was a glitch. We thought it was a game mechanic. There's nothing wrong with seizing the victory by destroying enemy weapons…"

"No, no, no," interrupted Momonga. "He received a temporary suspension from a GM for it…"

"But it was still a part of the game…," persisted Touch Me.

"He," Momonga cut in. "He has a temporary suspension… for…" Momonga took a deep breath.

"Com'on, Momonga," Touch Me urged, becoming a bit impatient. "Spit it out. Surely, it can't be that bad."

Momonga carefully chose his words, "… he used it… to… let's say… disturb… female players of the humanoid race." He, himself, wanted to forget the incident.

"Huh?" Touch Me did not understand. "Care to elaborate?"

"Let's just say…," Momonga held his head, remembering he failed to stop Peroroncino's rampage, "… [Item Break] wasn't just limited to weapons."

"So? Weapons, accessories, potions, items…," Halfway through his listing, Touch Me realised too, and held his head like Momonga. His voice became murmurs. "… armour… clothi… undergarm... Yes… I understand fully now…"

Momonga continued to speak regretfully, "He targeted specifically female players, saying there was nothing more refreshing than their scorns and screams. I begged him to stop, but you know… He said it was the game of his dreams. I received a 72-hour exp and drop rate penalty, too, as a responsibility of the guildmaster and friend."

 _What kind of man would pass on this opportunity!?_ was what Perorocino shouted

"Say no more," sighed Touch Me, as he miserably fixed his sights to the table, pondering on how they became friends. "I'm sorry for your loss."

"I'm sorry for yours, too," responded Momonga. "He received a 2-hour suspension per person he harassed. It has been a week since then. He should be back in the next 2 to 3 days.

 **-XXX-**

* * *

O my lord. My materials have been lost since reinstalling windows. Main Twitter Side Story project will resume soon. 2.5k words out of 10k written.


	7. Shalltear's Chaste 2

**Is Shalltear really one?**

(Part 2)

 **-XXX-**

Albedo was tasked to promote the image of the newly established country. The best way to achieve such effects was to spread rumours and stories by the mouths of travellers. Thus, Albedo was sent to the country borders to pose as an angel-in-white to bewitch those who tread by.

Ainz looked on. Under his keen gaze, he saw the beauty sitting on a boulder and reading a book amidst the flowering fields. Wanting to observe the scene a little more himself, he slowly approached.

 _Only if this was her true nature_ , thought Ainz regretfully.

His black academic gown fluttered like black flames devouring the morning lights. Tenderly, and unfitting for a ruler of monsters, he nudged the angel in white by her fair shoulders.

"Hnng?" Albedo replied lazily, but her voice made it almost sensual. When she snapped from her daze, she realised that before her most beloved and her supreme ruler. "Ainz-sama! My apologise for such—"

Ainz held up his skeletal hands to pause her speech. "Albedo, I'm here for business."

Albedo straightened herself and responded, "Understood."

A gateway opened, and out of it, leapt a petite vampire. She landed in an elegant bow and returned quickly into a ladylike posture.

"Tch," clicked Albedo's tongue.

"I hope I'm not too late," apologised Shalltear.

"Your timing is impeccable. Anyways…," said Ainz, cutting straight to the chase, "… Albedo, summon your mount, the bicorn. Shalltear, put on this hair band."

Ainz tossed a black hair band to Shalltear. The sturdy chained accessory landed in her hands.

A question mark seemed to appear above the two girls' heads but did as told.

Shalltear untied her silvers hair and redid it into a pair of stylish twin-tail.

"Shalltear, mount," commanded Ainz.

"As your command," replied Shalltear. She dropped onto the ground onto all-fours. "I will receive my punishment."

"No!" denied Ainz.

Shalltear was confused. "I thought you wanted me to act like a mount, a bicorn. You see my hair? You can use them as handles while you straddl—"

"Shut up!" fumed Albedo. "Can't you see Ainz-sama is pained by your stupidity?"

"Stupid!?" Shalltear jumped up.

"Quiet." Ainz rubbed his temples. "Anyways, the hair tie I just gave you is a cash item that overcomes possessorship restrictions, allowing party members to ride each other's summons temporarily without the mounting skill. Mechanical interaction as such…"

Albedo and Shalltear were rather dumbfounded.

"… Oh dear. I'm just gonna ramble," fake coughed Ainz before getting too out of hand with his explanation. "In short, you should be able to ride the bicorn, assuming that is all there is to the mechanics. A powerful Valkyrie on a strong stead will definitely be a boost to our military. I don't want to get into battle formation specifics. Anyways, get on Shalltear…"

…

…

…

…

"Shalltear got thrown off?" said Ainz in confusion.

"Shalltear got thrown off, too," repeated Albedo. "Why?"

 _Why indeed? Why was the bicorn apprehensive to touch? Why was the bicorn weakened?_ wondered Ainz, as he scratched his sleek white skull, missing the important fact that Albedo said, "too".

While the lich was deep in thought in his thinking pose, Shalltear screeched "Ainz-Ainz-sama!" in fear.

"Wha-what is it?" fumbled Ainz.

Shalltear held her head and stopped ran in circles with her eyes strangely glued down on the ground.

"Blood! My blood! From _there_!" panicked Shalltear. " _It tore!_ "

Albedo and Ainz gave a "Huh?" and "Eh?" respectively.

 _Something wrong with the bicorn…?_ thought Ainz as he tossed a quick glance towards the summoning and back. _Or is it Shalltear? Was there something I missed?_

Shalltear continued, "There! There! See that tiny speck of red on the ground?

That's from _there_. I knew riding horses can tear it but I did expect it to happen just like this.

To think, to think, I've been reserving myself, this pure body, for Ainz-sama since the revival. But, but, but—! The membrane! To think it was so thin and fragile—! Even though I have been so tender down there."

"Ah—" Albedo hit the nail and came to an understanding. " _It_ tore."

"Huh?" Ainz was still confused, continuing to look back and forth. "What tore?"

"Ahaha," laughed Albedo. "So like me, you are still a vir—"

…

…

…

"There were reasons why I took so long to conquer Abelion Hills," said Ainz. "Umu. Yes. Unspoken reasons…"

A cold sweat ran down Jirnvic's balding head, "A l-long time you say?"

 **-XXX-**


End file.
